Couple who defeated California’s same-sex marriage ban reflect on 10-year anniversary
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One decade after they became the first same-sex couple to get married in California after defeating the law banning same-sex marriage, Kris Perry and Sandy Stier celebrated their anniversary in a momentous way: Renewing their vows on a flight to Bora Bora.
On 26 June 2013, the couple won the US Supreme Court case of Hollingsworth v. Perry (named after Kris Perry herself) that was filed against Proposition 8, which banned same-sex marriage in the state. Less than 48 hours later, and after a four-year-long legal battle, Perry and Stier made their way to a San Francisco courthouse to say their “I dos,” with then-State Attorney General and now-Vice President of the United States, Kamala Harris, as their wedding officiant.
“We never dreamt we’d be getting married so soon, after coming off such a meaningful occasion as the Supreme Court ruling,” Perry told The Independent. “We thought we might have a few weeks to gather ourselves and our wardrobes. But instead, we were tossing clothes into bags, jumping in the car, and going across the Bay Bridge to go back to the lawyer’s office.”
Fast forward to their 10-year anniversary, they had a full-circle moment with their wedding officiant, as they attended the Vice President’s Pride event at her home in Washington, DC, on 28 June 2023. “Harris said that she knew that our wedding was a momentous occasion. She wanted to march across the lawn and perform our marriage because she felt like it was such an important step in California and in our country,” Stier recalled about her conversation with Harris at Wednesday’s event.
This wasn’t the only special way that Stier and Perry, who’ve been together for 24 years, celebrated their wedding anniversary. On 3 June 2023, three days after Pride Month began, the pair renewed their vows while 40,000 feet up in the air. During the Air Tahiti Nui flight from California to Bora Bora, their second wedding ceremony was held in the plane’s Poerava Business cabin, with Chief purser Rodrigue Chan, who openly identifies as gay, as the officiant.
“Air Tahiti Nui is honoured to host Kris and Sandy’s vow renewal ceremony in-flight as part of their dream anniversary getaway in one of the most inclusive destinations in the world,” Caroline Borawski, Air Tahiti Nui’s vice president of the Americas, said in a statement to The Independent. “The Islands of Tahiti are known for their incredible hospitality for all people, and Air Tahiti Nui is proud to be a part of that culture that not only accepts but celebrates LGBTQIA+ individuals and their contributions to a more equitable future.”
Speaking to The Independent, Perry and Stier described how special the 15-minute ceremony was, during which crew members performed a wedding dance and gave leis to the couple. They also added that Chan was the “perfect” person to officiate the event.
“When we got settled on the plane and met the crew, they were showering us with attention the entire time. As we got closer to doing the renewal, Rodrigue put on his full uniform, came out, stood with us, and put these garlands around our hands,” Stier said. “He was dignified, prepared, and just so loving.”
For the ceremony, the couple was also able to write their own vows, which they didn’t have the opportunity to do when they first got married in 2013. According to Stier, when she wrote and recited her vows 10 years later, she not only reflected on how much her relationship had evolved, but also recommitted to her partner.
(Courtesy of Air Tahiti Nui )
“We had to go through many twists and turns for us to actually be legally married,” she explained. “So, when we did our vow renewal, I really spoke to where we are today. Mine started out with: ‘I still do, I still choose you,’ because it’s the act of recommitment. We made a decision years ago, we make that decision again today, and it’s very intentional. We’re leaning into the next phase of our marriage.”
Perry also confessed that, at first, she and her partner didn’t have any specific plans for their 10-year-wedding anniversary. However, she said that when Air Tahiti Nui reached out to her, she was grateful to have more time to prepare for the vow renewal, since her 2013 nuptials happened so quickly. She also highlighted how her relationship has strengthened in all the ways she initially hoped it would 10 years ago.
“It was nice to have a little lead time, like not two days, but several weeks to really think about how we wanted to do it and how to make it meaningful,” she explained. “What was great about this opportunity was thinking back to that ceremony 10 years ago, and what I imagined our lives would be like. And then they actually are like that. It’s a mystery when you start out, and then you get this opportunity to really cement your relationship in marriage.”
Today, Perry and Stier have continued to grow together as a blended family, as they each welcomed two sons before they met. Their four children are all grown up now, with the couple noting that one son just finished law school and another is about to get married. Although they’re empty nesters, they’re excited for their next adventure as a family.
“We’re really looking at this next phase of life, and it’s all fantastic, and we feel so lucky to be here in the world,” Stier added. “To be healthy, to be together, and to be a family.”
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